I noticed you’ve blocked me on fb and
mm. I noticed you untagged most our pics and deleted your original
Daugherty account on facebook. I noticed you got a new phone, which
means you got a new number. I even noticed that you’ve cut your
hair again. You still look good ; ya know. And when I look at all the
photos it kills me. If only you could understand what you mean to me
and how bad this hurts. I know you say you don’t care anymore, I
know you say you don’t love me anymore. I know you don’t want to
hear from me. But Keith… what about me? What about what I want?
What about my heart? It still loves you! It still needs you! & it
is shattered. It’s like this… Everyday I try to stay busy. I try
to push forward, but you are my only real thought from the moment I
wake thru my dreams and beyond. I just want to shake you and make you
see what you are doing, make you stop and come home.
I know what you have been saying about
me and Keith it’s not true. I was NOT with 3-4 other guys. Yes I
seen Clinton in 2007 when I was trying to figure out what I wanted,
but I chose YOU. After that you were the only man I was with til
Stacy and you knew about the 3 times I seen him. But that was over in
September. There was no one else. I chose you AGAIN. And I don’t
want anyone else.
I keep asking myself what I did and how
I got over all my past heartaches. The answer was I jumped into
another relationship. It use to be so easy to forget. This time it’s
different. I have tons of offers, but no interest in even exploring
the possibilities. I keep dwelling on that. Why, why don’t I just
seek revenge, make a scene with another man. Why can’t I do it? The
answer is easy… I don’t want anyone else. I love you unlike I
have ever loved another person in my life. That is why I can’t bare
to think about doing stupid shit. I keep telling myself that maybe
you do think about coming home and if you do then anything stupid
would change your mind and Id never be able to fix it. I can’t
chance that. I would never be able to live with myself if I did. Do
you understand what I’m saying?
Ya know, at new years I made a promise
to myself to find myself. I wanted to remember who and what I really
am. Today… I’m learning those things. I know that inside I’m a
very hurt person who struggles day to day. I'm learning that I’m
dedicated. I’m learning that when I love something there is nothing
I won’t do. I’m learning just how important you/us is/are to me
and that I don’t want to live life without you. I’m learning to
pick up the pieces again and that this is not what I meant when I
said I wanted to find myself. I never wanted to look down at my heart
and know that you threw it away. I never wanted to feel lost lonely
neglected and broken. All I wanted was to feel loved and appreciated.
I wanted your arms to hold me, your eyes to look at me w/ desire,
your voice to tell me it would be ok. I wanted YOU!
And Keith it’s not too late. We can
fix this. We CAN. I know you told joe you cheated on me. I know I
have a phone around here where you told Cody’s Tasha that if she
sends tit pics u would come around more. I know you been going and
seeing meetme women but I can forgive. I’m hurt but I still love
you. I still want you.
How many ways can I explain myself? How
long do I have to hurt? How long do I have to beg? Do you realize
that I’ve thrown away all my pride just to try to prove to you that
you are the man I want? I have screamed it on every website I can,
all over town, to anyone who will listen and many who didn’t want
to. And I hate when people tell me to “move on” & “start
over”. They don’t know how bad I am hurting or how desperately I
am trying to change your mind. They can’t understand why but I know
why.I know that you are one of the most sensitive loving caring and
dedicated men I have ever met. A man who knows my heart, body, and
soul. A man who was able to break down my walls get me to divorce
john and give up my safty net and start planning a wedding. A man who
was special enough to make me believe in myself, my hopes, and my
dreams again. The man that I want….
Please Keith its been over a week now.
I am in hell emotionally. The kids miss you. The babies miss you.
Aden begs for you. Please come home and end the suffering of our
family.
I love you,
~Jesilyn~
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