Day 50- The New Blog

Dear Keith,

I'm obviously I'm not going to get over you anytime soon and the fact that I'm taking this so hard seems to bother everyone so fine. Today I decided to start a blog so that I can vent, sort my feelings, and not have to worry about who sees it or about who will attack me for feeling as I do. For what it's worth, I'll simply write here and if I get attacked again I'll just go private.Works for me I guess, I mean I have nothing else. I'm all alone. & you don't care, right? Don't worry, you don't have to answer that, I'll answer it for you... "NO Jesilyn, I don't give a shit about you. The past 7 years meant nothing. You could die and I'd dance on your grave..." Yep thats how you make me feel Keith. That's exactly how you make me feel.

You really can't see how much I love you or what I would give to fix this. You don't understand that I spend everyday wanting to die and that every ounce of happiness is gone. You don't understand that I don't eat sleep or laugh. You don't understand that I miss you so much. You don't understand anything...

I ask myself all the time if you played me. Sometimes I think it would have been impossible to fake such extreame emotions, and other times it feels so real.

All I know is that I could never do anyone else the way you have done me and my kids.

People don't think you've done anything to the kids that you left me and they are a casualty of the war. I see it as you left them too. You knew what could happen if you left. You know I couldn't afford to maintain this house. Hell I even offered you a deal if you wanted to leave. I told you that if you stayed long enough to secure this house (about 6 months) that I would share the money when I sold the house. All I wanted was my kids to be taken care of. The kids you claimed to love and the kids you left behind to suffer. But NO you couldn't do that could you?

You go around telling people I'm pissed that you won't pay my bills. The fact is that you lived here  for 7 years too. and the bills you walked out on YOU HELPED MAKE. Remember we were 2 months behind on all the bills, 4 months behind on the house and YES you lived here during those months but I get stuck paying the bills. But that's ok keith.

I hope you are enjoying that new TV, cell phone, DVD player and the car your parents rewarded you with when you abandoned your family to suffer. I hope that when you are out drinking or screwing your whores that you occasionally think about us and that the memories of what we had haunts you. I hope that one day you wake up and miss us the way me and the kids miss you.

But you won't will you? You aren't the same man anymore. Instead you have become a heartless Casanova who has nothing but himself to care about. Oh wait, you'll show the cyber sluts attention as long as they send you titty photos or masturbate online 4 you. Or have you progressed past that since you can drive to see them? I don't know... All I know is that Karin said you went to West Virginia today. Sometimes she when she tells me stuff like this I think she does it to upset me more... after all, I really didn't need to hear that.